Copyright © 2003 by Kerstin Lochrie. All rights reserved.

So you've decided to adopt. Congratulations! It's a decision that has come after sleepless nights and endless conversations about the pros and cons. You've decided finally to do it, and now you're ready to begin the paperwork.

Confidently you stroll into the adoption agency's office, look at pictures of adorable children, and then amble into the social worker's office. She hands you a stack of papers larger than the novel you just finished reading, and instantly you feel your blood pressure soar. You vaguely hear something about all of this being needed for the homestudy as you think that all of this CAN'T be right.

Have no fear. A homestudy is just everyone's way of getting to know you. It's a document that is completed by the social worker. It contains biographical information about you, your family, your interests, and your home.

In preparation for writing the homestudy, the social worker will ask you to obtain certified copies of your birth certificate and marriage license if applicable. She may also ask for copies of your children's birth certificates. You may also be asked for a statement of income from your bank and letters of employment from your employer, as well as copies of your last 3 years income tax forms.

The homestudy usually consists of 3 to 5 visits with the social worker – some in her office, and some in your home. She will ask lots of questions about you. You may feel that some of it is an invasion of privacy, and may question its relevancy. You may be concerned about what will appear in the finished document; after all, who wants their dirty laundry aired in front of a foreign government?

The social worker will ask you questions about your marriage, your decision to adopt, your religious affiliation, and your ability to bond with a child who may be of a different race or come with baggage. Answer the questions as honestly as you can. It is the social worker's responsibility to educate you as much as possible about what lies ahead of you and to paint you in the most positive light possible.

So now you've been to the social worker's office for perhaps 3 visits and you're feeling at ease. Maybe even comfortable enough to tell a few jokes (your wife doesn't laugh, but the social worker does). Then, the dreaded words come: "We need to schedule the next appointment at your home".

Again, don't panic. There is no need to run to the closest home improvement store and spend your nest egg on making the house look fit for a visit from the queen (she's busy that day anyway). The intent of the home visit it merely to satisfy the social worker that you can adequately care for a child and that you have room in which to raise that child.

She will come to your home and probably just do a cursory check of your home. You don't need to do a spring cleaning, and you don't need to have a better stocked kitchen than a Parisian chef. This is just a look to get a feel for who you are and what you do when you're not working.

After the last visit is completed and you've handed in all of the necessary documentation, the next big hurdle comes: the wait. You may have to wait a while to get the completed homestudy. This gives you lots of time to think about things. don't worry that you're not going to get approval to become adoptive parents, because almost everyone does. It just takes time to go through the mountains of paperwork that you've submitted and all of the notes that the social worker has compiled. It takes time to put just the right touch into the homestudy.

I say all of this as an adoptive parent. My husband and I are the lucky parents of three children aged 10, 7 and 2. The two youngest are internationally adopted. We adopted from Ukraine in 1998 and then again in 2001.

The first time that we adopted, we went through all of what I've written here. We had a wonderful social worker who really sped us through the process. Within fours weeks we'd had the first three appointments.

The third visit had been only my husband with the social worker. The fourth visit was with only me, and I was terribly nervous about it. I had scheduled the visit for my lunch hour. I made sure that I dressed carefully that morning – hair and makeup perfect, the right dress, and sensible shoes.

I arrived in her office with an admirable case of butterflies in my stomach. We sat down and exchanged pleasantries. She was looking through our paperwork the whole time. I was now suitably panic stricken.

Finally, she looked a t me for a long moment. She said that, after reading what I'd written about myself and listening to me during our visits, I struck her as the kind of person who was very sure about what I wanted in life. She said she had the feeling that, if I went to Ukraine and didn't find the right child for us, I'd come home.

I was speechless. How could this person who had only met me several times know this about me? I had never said it out loud. I was pretty sure I'd never even hinted at it.

I was just about to ask her how she knew this when it happened. The elastic on my slip let go. I could feel it sliding down my hips.

I started smiling as I tried to figure out how I was going to gracefully exit her office with my slip down around my ankles. Finally I got hysterical, which is when I decided to tell her what had happened. She laughed as hard as I did and told me to look for my homestudy in the mail in about two weeks.